Amee

2010-01-11T14:32:00.002+08:00

BOG concert[:

2009-12-01T22:20:00.004+08:00

Taken 30th November 2009, Executive-outfit-day in class.

2009-11-30T13:32:00.007+08:00

Monday blues.

Routine in today's module, blogging or chatting or games. No improvement in my mood, such an awful day to go to school for, plus the Monday blues. Eyes could barely sustain open. Ears practically diverted attention to nothing, too tired to listen. Can't wait for the lesson to end. Maybe I'm up for some adrenaline pumping after school to shag some weight, maybe I'm too tired and just let my mind rest at home, maybe maybe. Maybe the action might be a chore, so better rest and sustain my energy for tomorrow.

2009-11-30T00:18:00.006+08:00

Currently tuning to You've Got The Love by Florence and The Machine.

Faltering through daily, succumbing to the feeble mind, what else? Barely have the strength left for a rebound. The days are seemingly bright but gloomy, none to accompany me but myself. I get bitter with company and antsy without one, "so what is it that I want?" I asked myself. I want someone to listen.

I want to be sad without having to apologize, purely because I know I didn't make myself cry, did I? I want an apology to derive from the tiny squabble. There is no excuse for no apology, if it was petty still, it was worth the apology. To wait till the tears trickle down, makes me even sore.

2009-11-04T09:05:00.004+08:00

Today today no no Alfred Alfred. Relief facilitator.

Friday- Feroz fetching me from school. I don't have to waste train/bus fares home and I could spend time with him.

I was a bit bummed on my birthday because I didn't get to dine at Fish & Co, all those flavorful sea creatures]: No Fish & Co birthday song, no polaroid from Fish & Co and no birthday treat from Fish & Co]:

2009-10-26T20:31:00.007+08:00

I am screwed! I totally forgot about entrepreneurship proposal and awaiting for Gena's reply. TO BE SUBMITTED BY TOMORROW. The whole team is going down if we don't complete it by today or tomorrow. We have to do it, PRONTO!

Currently loitering the web, waiting for GENA! I shall stop thinking about the proposal. Dilly-dally, here and there. These "sugar" rushes come and go, but now it's ongoing until we can finally finish the proposal which we have not even started yet.

I am excited, for for for FRIDAY. I'm going out on a cruise with Feroz on his brand new b-b-b-bike! Wondering what midnight movie to watch since I can go home late. I want to eat seafood hor fun for dinner, eat popcorns during the movie and ride the wings of pestilence!

So what, riding a bike is a dangerous sin? Riding the wings of pestilence, you think you're singing a song? yes? no?(yes, i am conversing with myself, idiot)

Not you idiot, me idiot. I'm lameeeeeee-o. Well, I want to talk to Starbucks Teddy Boneca and a short promising chat with Gena.

2009-10-22T21:47:00.003+08:00

Eye infection- might be due to my dust filled blog maybe.

Currently, I can't really concentrate real well because I kinda just woke up and just finished my RJ, which was a whore and I B*llsh*tt*d through.

Oh wells. No photos to blog about, XL did an awesome last minute poster, mine was more nostalgic than futuristic and looked like it had colourful sunflower seed sky! I just suck at photoshop, photochop, potatochop!

2009-09-11T00:40:00.003+08:00

I had a tummy-filling day[:

A day filled with girls and mutton chop, which i didn't finish it because I was so full. I burped a whole lot, and not to mention the farts, in which it didn't stink at all. It was awesome because I haven't met with the girls for so long and they were awesomely same but different. Like Ain, she grew taller, Ira had lovely new specs like the one Penelope Garcia's boyfriend wore in Criminal Minds, Amirah was also SO TALL, and Naja, a little bit much more bite-able that I last saw her. The day ended too early because little miss Naja said it was getting late when the night was still young!

2009-09-07T22:57:00.001+08:00

I stare at the computer screen almost every day, watching Criminal Minds or Fringe or some Telly Series. I'm starting to get lazy and bored of being a potato couch.

The reoccurring days- I wish each day was an adventure. I wish I had something better to do today. I wish things were not so boring. I wish for alot of things.

When did the excitement stop?
The times when you get excited before reading a book.
The times when you were proud that you could tie your own shoelace.
The times when staying at home is becoming one of the Spice Girls.
The times when looking out the window is counting the vehicles, and it was exciting.

2009-09-02T01:40:00.004+08:00

Criminal Minds/Matthew Gubler- My latest addiction.

That is my boyfriend above- Feroz <3
That guy below is Feroz's good friend, he sleeps with my boyfriend]: - MARTIN
Which got me wondering, what happened to Martin's lip piercing?

2009-07-19T22:38:00.002+08:00

Things have not been so well as I imagined it to be. Not really sure of what to think and what to hope for sometimes. It's like i'm going through armageddon everyday, thinking each time will be the last.

HAHAHAHAHAH.

2009-07-02T09:30:00.002+08:00

HYAKGDUSH!

HYAKGDEK!

2009-06-02T01:09:00.006+08:00

The wonderful chalet at ECP was spent with Lolu, Fya, Feroz, Eda, Shah and Martin.

The following day after just four hours of eye-shutter.

2009-05-27T13:12:00.001+08:00

I need temporary artificial happiness.

2009-05-05T07:56:00.004+08:00

"Get up stand up, don't give up the fight"
Get up stand up, Bob Marley

Yes, let's not give up the fight, maybe just a short break will do. Things started to mold clearer now, the churning in my stomach has lessened and the big HU-HA in my brains has almost dissipated. With the advice that Fya entrusted me- "kau jangan fikir sedih-sedih, kalau kau fikir happy-happy, kau akan dapat bende tu" <3

xoxo.

2009-04-28T22:31:00.004+08:00

"Sometimes i wish i was like mariella, she got some print stick and she glued her lips together, so she never had to speak, never had to speak, never had to speak"

Mariella, Kate Nash.

Yes, sometimes i do wish that i never had to speak, because i can't seem to confront my own feelings, knowing how to talk makes it so hard to tell. Knowing how to speak makes it so much more hurting, because you can't seem to put your assorted feelings into words, you can't seem to sum up your guts and to just say it out loud. It really is so easy to keep mum about it, but not so easy to hide it. Am i suppose to resume back to what I've thrown away, to what i hated so much and to what i discriminated? Yes i do, but i don't want to, but why not? I don't know, even in typing, it all seems surreal, everything, i wish it really was. Is it only part of my delusions or are things really the way they are, am i just being too delicate? Speak to me, and please speak clearly. Please do, because i need to.
Another night with another concept of rain to stop.

I love you.

2009-04-27T21:48:00.002+08:00

Mental breakdowns are possibly the time where you get tired all the time, feeling sad, just feeling that anything and everything is against you. You feel like you just want to call the quits. Stop everything for a while and just be on your own, just want everything to go your way and yours alone. Getting emotional over the slightest things and getting your eyes puffed at the end of the day. Not knowing whats wrong with you and proceed with ponderng on the matter, you know you're having a breakdown, but why? Is it because you're a fucktard or are you just emotionally tired. Are you dumb, insensitive and sellfish? When you just feel like jumping to a new environment but scared to lose the ones you love. Do they understand you anymore or are you just being confusing to them?

"i wish that you knew when i said two sugars actually i meant three"
Nicest Thing by Kate nash

I just find this text from the lyrics very relevant and quite sad, because sadly, sometimes you tend to think like that, not reffering to the whole song, but just the chosen text above.

"I hate myself today, i don't know whats happening to me. I hate my face today, i think i look so shitty today. I have some spot everywhere and i'm not even shaved, my hair are greasy, i look disgusting today. My eyes are glued, my lips are chapped, my legs are prickling and plus, i'm stinky today."
Shitty Day by Soko

2009-04-25T01:49:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry. I'm sorry for being heartless.

2009-04-25T01:07:00.001+08:00

Birds can fly so high and they can shit on your head yeah they can almost fly into your eyes and make you feel so scared but when you look at them, you see that they're beautiful, that's how i feel about you.

2009-04-15T00:15:00.003+08:00

OK, me, lolu and Fya found a new hobby. It's something like a blog but much more primitive[:

Ok, the update on April 13th wasn't specific enough. The Coffee Club Hardi's angels, Lolu, Fya and I went to Starbucks Store Barbecue Outing at East Coast Park. Well, it wasn't actually Starbucks outing, the foundation was Starbucks but all of the starbucks crew didn't overnight, so at last, only Feroz and Sam was the only starbucks there. Plus, there were more Coffee Club people there, we won by 1 person. Back to the story, when Lolu, Fya and I reached there, there were some Starbucks crew gambling, they went home soon after, anyways, when we reached there, Feroz pointed to patch of grass, saying that there's a couple making love, and we were thinking like "WTH?". I mean, i thought he was joking, but some of his friends made so much fuss about it. Then it was time, the action baby, from their sillhouette, we saw the whole action going on, it wasn't so clear but it was obvious. Of course, our eyes was glued, but i decided not to be like the perverted boys and girls there and broke my gaze away.
Around 1am, the only ones left were, Feroz, Sam, Qhaizul, Martin, Lolu, Fya and Me. Sam was sleeping, He's the one in the garbage bag in the photo posted on 13thApril. Haha. Our core entertainment was actually Sam, the guys kept disturbing him, and putting things in his mouth while the girls just snapped and snapped more photos of the 7th wonders of the world(Sam). When he was in the trashbag, he looked like some victim from CSI, it was hilarious.
We were up till dawn and that's about it. It was so much more fun than what i wrote.

2009-04-13T02:08:00.005+08:00

2009-04-05T16:51:00.001+08:00

AMEE'S A BITCH!

2009-04-01T21:51:00.002+08:00

Good evening, welcome to xxxx, table for?
Here you go ma'am/sir, just for your information the soup of the day is xxxx soup.
And if you spend above $30 with Visa, you could get a complimentary cake of the day which is xxxx.

1.)Also, if you order 2 sets of main course or pastas, the higher priced will be charged, so as to say, you get one complimentary.
OR?
2.)Also, if you get a main course or pasta, you could get another same priced meal or cheaper one, complimentary.

2009-04-01T21:44:00.003+08:00

Here, Here and Here.

It was like Yesterday, Feroz and i didn't know where to go so ended up at City Hall. I recalled a HMV at Citylink, so i tugged Feroz and half run to HMV. I was like "Here, Here and Here" and he was like "?", i raised up my hand and said "Here, Here and Here" countless of times. that was all. ok, splitting headache from too much espresso yesterday and too much sleep today. ciao.

2009-02-24T20:35:00.002+08:00

Major moodswings have been corrupting my psychological health, i think. Really, i get happy so easily and angry the next minute. I'd get angry over stupid things at stupid times. I'd pout at the slightest remark, and throw a huge tantrum at the slightest joke. I'd laugh for hours with my friends and end up crying at the end of the day. I'd have fun the whole day with my precious love and end up in a silly argument that was started by my stupid sensitive explosion. I really think i'm stupid though, sometimes, all the time. Everything seems right and wrong, it's all happy and sappy at the same time, it's good and bad at the same time, i'd enjoy my work with Lolu and Fya around, i'd enjoy the company of Adee, Belle and Shakz, I'd enjoy the time with Feroz, and yet something's out of proportion, something sad is lurking at the back of my mind. I think i know what it is, it's just sad and stupid to tell someone, because i feel stupid as i already am. I think i'm naive and to put my whole heart to those outside the circle of trust, which sounds so immature, but anyways, i feel like screaming my heart, lungs and other organs out so terribly that i think i might just explode.

2009-02-15T02:20:00.001+08:00

Fuck valentines. Fuck birthdays. Fuck hari raya.

2009-02-13T23:33:00.002+08:00

I'm totally hooked on humoungous earrings, those big bulky things.
Anyways, i have to warn those girls that have boyfriends, for one thing, if you're in the bus with your boyfriend and he's holding a bottle of green tea, try to get a seat even if it's crowded- Reason: My boyfriend push me in the bus because he lost balance, and i was like "oi!" and he was like ".....", afterwards we burst out laughing, BUT STILL, he tried to push me! I think i was deserving, i mean, i think i was but just a little, because, twice, we were in a train, i lost balance and my hand was near his neck so i grabbed tighly onto his neck, and he said that i was going to kill him if it lasted any longer. And secondly, if you're on the phone with him, he'll start hearing the wrong things, i was talking to him, and i said "where all the clubs-clubs are", and guess what he reciprocated with, "huh? Cluck-cluck?", of course, i burst out laughing. He thought i said cluck-cluck as cute nickie for clarke quay like, cluck-cluck/clarke-clarke, well somehow, it isn't even cute and thats why he's so funny, it made me sound like a chicken, cluck-cluck. Woooh, exhausting.

Lately, i've been having dreams about food. For instance, two days ago, i dreamt that my mum bought me nasi lemak, and i woke up with a hungry stomach. Yesterday, my mum called my cell around 8am to ask me if i want any breakfast, so i said i wanted nasi lemak, and iwent back to sleep, and i dreamt that my nasi lemak had a
chicken wing, a sausage and a stingray, YUMMY! and i woke up to see my nasi lemak was the normal set. Just now, my mum called me ard 8am again, and ask me for my breakfast order, i wanted prata double-egg and went back to bed, i dreamt my double-egg was a triple-egg with delicious curry on top, haha, and i woke up feeling hungry again. i wonder what delicious dreams await for me. haha.

2009-01-25T02:28:00.001+08:00

Even after breaking away from the turmoil, i can't possibly dismiss the pain.

2009-01-18T22:52:00.001+08:00

bye bye, Temasek Poly. I wasn't shortlisted, so much for e-mailing me and forcing me to wait in anxiety.

(current mood: neutral)
reason: even if i didn't get to the interview, i knew that i was deserving.

2009-01-18T01:14:00.002+08:00

Oh, did you guys notice? the vague photo of the person who's on my blogskin is actually me!

PORTFOLIO! PORTFOLIO! PORTFOLIO! I NEED MY PORTFOLIO!
This is, by far, the first ever, that i'm actually taking things solemnly. I'm scared, nervous, anxious and tralalala-going crazy, prolly in a delirium. I'm almost completing the sketch that i've been doing from three days ago. you can do it amee. TEMASEK POLY, HERE I COME (for an interview).

2009-01-07T00:41:00.001+08:00

i'm very grateful to dear ira and her mum<3

2008-12-13T12:01:00.002+08:00

Fight cycle

i know that i am not as faithful as i used to be
i know that you have changed your views on how you see me

I have changed and
you have changed and
we are different we are someone better or worse
i know i'm the same
you think you're the same
we are different we are somone better or worse

We fought then we talk it through
we fight again we talk again
we faught then we talk it throught
we fight again we talk again

we fight like its a war
we think it's right but we know it's not
we fight like it's a war
we think it's life but we know it's now

I have changed and
you have changed and
we are different
we are someone better or worse
i know i'm the same
you think you're the same
we are different we are somone better or worse

I tried to hate you but i cant
i tried forgetting you but i cant
i thought i needed you but i dont
i wanted to be you but i wont

I have changed and
my friend, so have you
we are different
we are someone better or worse
i think i'm the same
my friend, you're not the same
we are someone, we are better, we are worse

I tried to hate you but i cant
i tried forgetting you but i cant
i thought i needed you but i dont
i wanted to be you but i wont

I tried to hate you but i cant
i tried forgetting you but i cant
i thought i needed you but i dont
i wanted to be you but i wont

2008-12-03T01:48:00.001+08:00

My head's spinning and my throat is coarse and i feel like going to bed, but i can't. You know what? I think i'm petty, stupid, heartless and plain stupid.

2008-11-30T22:05:00.005+08:00

Been smoking fags and shisha-ing quite alot. I think i'm into shisha. I think. I'm craving for shisha. I hogged the shisha for 3 whole days, when the gang was at it. Life has been pleasantly smooth and great, nothing interesting. Got myself employed at Amara Hotel and enthusiastic to call them tomorrow to ask if i could work on thursday and saturday. Staying home these past few days. Currently listening toPsychotic Reaction by The Count Five, just finished learning how to strum to the song, Foundation by Kate Nash. I'm bored, now off to watch this anime on OKTO, i think it's called, The Girl Who Leapt Through Time. You guys should listen to Wet Dreams by Soko, vulgar but nice.

2008-11-25T01:19:00.002+08:00

yes, i'm still persistent.

I could reach my hands out and twist every word that you wrote, and be just like you. But i won't because i know how it feels like. no longer trapped in teh past, or scared of the future, just be entranced by the moment, now, present, here, yes.

2008-11-24T11:39:00.004+08:00

Ah, vintage famolares and dansko mary janes.

2008-11-17T16:44:00.001+08:00

alright. ok go.

2008-11-13T22:39:00.004+08:00

O's is finally over and my quest to hunt for jobs has started, and also ended. I've convinced myself that all the shops in the world are not going to take me in as a cashier cum sales executive or a waitress. Gosh. Things are as hectic as ever, my fellow lovely chums has gotten themselves a temporary job to keep them busy during the holidays, and i am left to decay at home. Rot, rot, rot AMEE! haha. Somehow, the tiny flame in me is still persistent to find myself a job, i didn't do a good job at convincing myself i guess. Waiting for one week, for a stranger to call me and tell me "oh, can you go for an interview this, umm, this friday?" or something to give me a glimpse of hope that i'll get a job.

Recently went to a skin doctor just to discover that i am half-cat, half-human. I was bitten by cat fleas, which explained the severe skin irritation for the past months. Well i'm not half cat, was just slightly amplifying the situation. Well, it's reallly dreadful and i withstood the itching for almost two months, and no more. The doc's told me to get my aunts cat to the vet, to eliminate any traces of fleas, cat's fleas. Can't believe i'm so sensitive to cat's fleas since i'm the only one in the family that's affected by them, told you so, i'm partially cat.

Promised a special friend that we'll talk sometime after O's. I do miss her presence, we all seem so busy, hope we get the time to talk. I changed alot, and i think i'm affecting alot of relationship with others. I changed quite alot, but somehow, i think i'm still the same, but just louder, naughtier, more expressive. I express myself more easier now, but i still do hesitate in certain situations. Though i have to admit, i'm not so decent, planning to change, and start praying again.

"Bila engkau hendak sembahyang? nanti bila? Engkau tahu bila engkau mati? Mane tahu esok atau lusa." Thats what my mum said.

Oh well, can't go out as much either, spent all my beautiful bucks on sinful sweet treats.

I need a new bra, the strap snapped while i was out with lulu just awhile ago.

2008-11-12T23:48:00.002+08:00

late photos. posted on ira's blog. During raya. haha, if i could, i would label that day- drastically, spastically:

♥Ira Norris' blog♥

2008-10-21T10:47:00.002+08:00

The words of an angel
surpassing my words of blather
the better one wins
and of course, the other gets battered.
Reasons so simple, the fluency kicks in
we don't fail but our presence isn't so perfect.
Cease being so judgemental.

(randomness babies)

2008-10-20T12:04:00.003+08:00

Two more hours till chemistry o's. The lack of preparation's making me anxious, lack of preparation doesn't suffice to get me a good grade. Nothings revolving much. Moreover, things have been indifferent lately. Like Tedd used to say- Same shit different day.

I miss Belle(and my long hair). Random.

2008-10-15T14:21:00.002+08:00

i feel ugly.

2008-10-08T00:29:00.009+08:00

NjLulu

Fya

AMEE

Yes we are the four naughty-naughty type[:

Oh well, naja refused to make the silly faces so i figured in putting just a random photo of her. They are my silly cronies.

Sleeping beauty Fya- sets herself in the slumber mood in the middle of class, which i'll frequently join her, and both of us ending up in a temporary comatose;
Little Lulu- the silly girl who's always in a daze in the middle of lessons, always being in an ungraceful manner towards the teachers;
Master Naja- She's my crystal ball, always frequent her absence in school;
And there's me, Amee.

Photos of me, pola pola and bear<3>

2008-09-24T00:13:00.001+08:00

i was young then.
amee, let's smile a little wider.

2008-09-23T08:43:00.001+08:00

Let's be a kid again master.

Let's stop this master- The angst, the confusion and the pain, but not the silence. I can't stop the silence.

2008-09-16T15:00:00.002+08:00

Firstly, i would like to apologise to my Dear friend and cousin, Belle and Adaye. Telling them i would be free on sunday, which turned out so hectic for me. I wasn't free on sunday, had to complete my art assignments and the deadline was round the corner, i couldn't go out and i spent the days like an owl, sleepless nights. Even to all of you guys(whoever you are), there will be no more promises that i can go out. Things are turning more hectic and i'm rushing but to what extent?

That lot is as far as my hand can type, i'm so worned out to busy my hands

- Constantly busy till O's are over.

2008-09-01T19:40:00.016+08:00

01/09/08

People from the 1970's

hot hot heat.
Peace

The early morning was once again spent with little Lulu. Naja was supposed to tag along but she told us to go on ahead without her. Travelled to Salvation Army at Bukit Timah to grab some cheap deals- i was contented with the things that i bought for such a small sum.

The start of a fasting month. I'ts already the fasting month- time's passing by real fast, or am i just not fast enough?

I want a ukulele.

apabila ini, hanya sebuah mimpi, ku selalu berharap dan tak pernah terbangun.

31/08/08

Early birds: Me and lulu decided that we need to take a dip to shed some pounds. The buddies, Naja and Sofia was supposedly to tag along but they couldn't. After the fun in the morning sun, we cleansed ourselves up. Treating ourselves to cheap instant noodles to fill the famished tummies and drags of our fags. taking snapshots of out crazy antiques.

Late bird: Feroz woke up at 10am just to recieve my call at 1pm with the decision to meet at 3pm. I was contented at my silent achievement of reaching the meeting point first.

2008-08-29T18:33:00.002+08:00

Sunday seems like such a long way, i'll be going swimming with Lulu, Fya and maybe Naja[: It's been donkey years since my skin touched the chlorinated water of the swimming pool. I need to shed some pounds. I am definitely, super-duper, extremely, very excited. Hopefully it all works out, Naja and Fya said maybe, i can't be too excited to tan my skin, which i am definitely not looking forward to, i'm just looking forward for the swim. With another excitement in store, which i hope works out as well- Me and Lulu will be having a sort-of double date i hope. I'm just planning to finish off the ciggs by that day and munch my way to pig-ness. School have been such a havoc, topsy-turvy and shaky, with twisted words and cunning lies. How could someone roll their eyes sarcastically behind my back one day and ask to take a photo together the next?

I've been patient for awhile now, maybe I just have to let it go. Whats the point of pursuing it anyway? I don't want to hurt myself by knowing the truth. Let's just leave it as it is.

Off topic, i miss my skinny stick man.

2008-08-28T18:52:00.002+08:00

I always thought that if you're capable of doing these things to others, do you think people are incapable of hitting you back? If you can't take the blow then why start it in the first place. Such fatuous callow lass. Off the record, i had a jolly good time with loloo, endless tickles and giggles. She's dropping by soon to design a friend's birthday card, no gifts but a special DIY card would do right? Can't wait to have her as company. Little miss JINDAWAN(jin + cendawan) wasn't in school today, you lazy lazy bum. Furthermore, yearn for the skinny guy's presence, oh my frailties again, i love you.

2008-08-26T19:09:00.004+08:00

Everything is convoluted. I should feel that i deserve this subtle treatment, or maybe the fact that my mouth often speak of the unspeakable and it's so soft that just the person next to me could hear it, and me, unnoticingly thought they didn't. Silly me, my frailties. How contradicting and overwhelming things have been for me, i have decided to remain patient of how unjustly things have become and i can no longer subdue the social intensity.

I'll mend my own ways with help of my friends, i'll have fun with them that didn't push me aside throughout, that didn't give me those looks, that had similarly gone through what i had, that could be frank with me without being afraid.Everyone has their secrets, and to those that i hold their hearts close to mine, i kept them safely hidden. I kept then safely hidden.

2008-08-25T18:20:00.004+08:00

What could make me happy? Feroz or prolly a semi acoustic epiphone. Maybe just the acoustic Dove NA model, or the Hummingbird, but thats way beyond my league, costing over 800 bucks. I'll just be contented even if i get just a semi-acoustic, and earn my way to the Dove. Things have been a little too overwhelming for me. On a lighter note, i sought out my feelings and thought things over, not to jump overboard and assume the unjustly.

My oh my, my alibi, restore my faith in me.

2008-08-22T16:27:00.004+08:00

Pristine, please. The sun will always mend our ways, the moon's constant shadow to hide in, the droplets of rain to keep us fairly moisted, and the heat of the sun to keep us warm. This are the tiny things that i overlook. Yes, a sellfish being, thats what i am.

For now, i'll pretend that everything is alright, for actually, something deep is silently stabbing and yes, for sure, i'm sellfish enough to not let you go, but i will, gradually, maybe tomorrow, maybe someday. Reminisince of the days where we stood by each other and laugh with the silly jokes, silly me. Needless to say the most obvious, you've moved on, and that wasn't the worst part.

2008-08-22T14:36:00.006+08:00

19august2008

(birthday boy)

2008-08-18T00:05:00.006+08:00

Why do parents only notice when it's all the wrong things, they never notice about the good things. Why? I used to try my best in school and studies, but somehow, along the way, i've given up because of all the lack of attention. I got such a perfect score for my PSLE. They didnt seem interested even for that, because i didn't remember any celebration or words or anything, i just plainly remembered- 223. That was all. Started slacking, prolly because even my parents were oblivious to my achievements.

Then yesterday happened, and they noticed me for all the bad things. It's too late isn't it, ma?

At least I know i have someone to tell me he loves me. My mum have never said those words to me. Where did all the love go? I love you Feroz, i can say that to him without feeling awkward. I can't even say the word to you ma, without feeling so awkward, it actually means, i have never said it to you, and neither have you. I'm done here.

2008-08-14T18:32:00.012+08:00

BAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
This is what you get when i'm high and insane. steAMEE!

I'm going to put the password on my blog again soon. It's the same one i had previously. Gahh, i feel superly ticklish over some things that's not supposed to be funny. Ow well, i've decided to stop playing games and start listening to myself and create a better attitude.

I spammed Faa recently. Gahh, oh well, there you go, i was the spammer:

So long the life of daze and folly,
I'll be one to have the ending as jolly,
No more the times of a child,
For that i would not be wild.
I'd take it all back- if i could.

If it's an apology you want, there's the apology you get. Yes i did mean what i say, that was when i was over my head or something. I'd take it all back if i could. let's make it even and critic me in your blog,i wont hold a grudge.

I'm so pathetic. bahhhhhh :B nyeheheheh, yeap i am [:

2008-08-13T17:48:00.002+08:00

Saya akan lulus peperiksaan peringkat "o" saya! saya akan cuba sedaya upaya saya untuk mendapat markah yang saya ingini, saya akan menumpuh perhatian di dalam bilik darjah dan saya tidak akan tidur lagi semasa guru sedang mengajar. Bahasa melayu agak sukar untuk saya kerana saya tidak mahir dalam bidang ini. Saya akan mula menulis dalam bahasa melayu mulai hari ini, tetapi jika saya mahu menulis tentang perkara yang pelik pelik seperti "the three piggies" and cendawan, saya akan menulis dalam bahasa inggeris.

2008-08-10T03:37:00.003+08:00

Met Nasir and Syu. Syu was a lovely girl, my total opposite, i'm more bashful and she's more outgoing[:

I'm cutting my post short, just feeling lazy for words. Nasir sent Syu home, met Nasir at Kallang. Me and Feroz waited patiently for Nasir, we sat and watched the fireworks that was partially covered by buildings. But it was ok, it was still pretty and lovely. Feroz sent me home, reached home quite late.

I miss cendawan, the piggies, ASL-girl, and more of them(must i mention them all?). It's going to be a tortorous weekend, which i hope not.

♥Harpooned into my heart
Locked by my lips
Carve it on a bark
All is mine for keeps♥

2008-08-08T18:30:00.002+08:00

Naja's off in a foreign country, that explains the song in my blog- Souvenirs.

2008-08-05T20:36:00.008+08:00

Naja's three little piggy:

Amee, the piggy who loves the music.

Ira, the violent piggy.

Shaz, the lazy one who didn't even bother to make a piggy face.

And this lady below, is naja Herself. Can't wait to poke her eyes and eat this little mushroom. Muahah, watch out najajajajaja, i'll give you a humongous hug(and bites) when you're back.

2008-08-04T17:04:00.003+08:00

I've realised the importance of sun-block lotion. My oh my, my skin went from dark to darker within 20 minutes, had cross country 3 days ago, forced to run under the scorching sun. Just five minutes ago did i realise my skin is tanned. I'm going to start the routine sun-block-lotion-wearing before heading out to school or anywhere else starting from tomorrow, i did that a few months ago when this country was on fire. It rained, now it's back to blazing again. For the record though, it's not that bad, i'll regain my un-tanned skin maybe, within a month.

O's are round the corner, i' started revisions quite late, and i'm still running to catch up. Math is becoming such a fun class to be in, constant exchanges of teasings to the teacher. All i need to do now is stop snoozing off in chemistry, physics and history. I feel like eating a big tub of ice-cream and grow fat out of this misery, if i were to retake my o's, i'd give it my best, but 1 year will be gone down the drain. 73 days to the big day. Humongous sigh for me.

2008-08-04T00:41:00.014+08:00

Nj's little piggy.

My Lovely Feroz.

This is Farid.

Met Farid and Belle quite recently. Glad to catch up with them after a long, long, very long time. Just so you know, i didn't drink.

2008-08-03T01:20:00.006+08:00

Here's my new haircut.

2008-07-31T23:23:00.004+08:00

David chopped my hair off. My oh my. i won't eloborate more, then bumped into Hazi at Bras Basah, didn't know it was her till five minutes ago, she told me she was the one that aknowledged to Feroz. It all happened in a flash, i thought she looked familiar somehow. Sweets, i'm calling me dollings in five minutes.

2008-07-28T00:25:00.002+08:00

People get increadibly tired, but when anger strikes them, yes the adrenaline keeps them from falling asleep. Thats what i'm dealing with now. The ruckus, the brother, and the mom who constantly sides the brother who constantly make so much noise i can't sleep. I mean, why can't she just tell my brother to keep quiet, why must she tell me to just sleep when i can't becuase my little brother is making irritating noises. irrit.

2008-07-27T16:25:00.002+08:00

Globalisation is a process whereby people, ideas and their activities get interconnected or integrated.

The key factors of globalisation

Transportation
Transportation is how you transfer people, materials and products from one place to another. It has enhanced mobility, and making it easier to commute people from point to point.

Communication
Communication is fast becoming more convenient. Able to communicate via telephones, fax, electronic mail and video conferences. Satellite technology has enabled information to be transmitted worldwide simultaneously. Optical fibre system can hold a large capacity and can transmit information at a very hight speed. Communications like internet, allows people to access informatong on products and places- they can now pay bills via the web and also buy products in internet catalogues.

Transnational Corporations(TNCs)
Transnational corporations are large global firms that operate in a number of countries. TNCs have production or service facilities outside the country of origin. TNCs set up production on different parts of the world because they constantly source for new markets, and also, it lowers production expense as source for components from different part of the world and assembling it in another country, in which the production will be controlled and coordinated by headquarters.

These factors made globalisation possible because it has enable faster movement of goods, services and people. Internet informations and communications technology facilitate the flow of information. TNCs have the wealth and expertise to tap sources adn natural materials from around the world to further their profits and expand their markets share.

2008-07-27T00:59:00.000+08:00

i am off to study soon. soon, yes, now?

2008-07-20T00:24:00.002+08:00

I had a pleasant day today. I taught him silap mata, meaning magic. recieved a hearty surprise- i love him, and i love that thing he gave me(*smiles).

To my dearest friend(s), this may come as a random thing, but i just want to apologise for the past mistakes that i had made and the judgements i accused. Yeah i know, it all happened a few months ago, and that i stopped all my silly acts around early this year. I have heard people telling me i'm paranoid, but im not sure, i still do get haunted by my own doings and sometimes i would think that i'm doing it again, with someone telling me i'm paranoid and i'm doing fine, and yet the paranoia still sets in, somehow.

I want to make a time capsule, for the buddies in class, so we'll reunite again ten years later to see how much we all have changed. That would be lovely, to create our own time capsule after o'levels. To reunite again when we are all twenty six years old.

2008-07-18T21:19:00.002+08:00

It had been an outrageous day, i mean, how bad could it all have gotten aye? For starters, school was turning out alright, it all came after school. I was hyped up for art, to finish the painting for the second face. Asked NJ to ring that woman up to confirm if the art room is opened, that woman informed naja that the art room's not opened today, and then hung up on naja. Ohmy, mouth started blabbering on how unjustly she is. I mean, honestly, how could she take things personal? She's a teacher for god's sake, if she's got attitude, don't we all? I headed home. Sat at home, supposedly study for social studies, yet ended up strumming for hours. Along came the soccer thingy on Ch5. I have no notion of why they put their best in kicking balls, and yes, i was forced to watched CNA, it was quite alright, the news, and than this show called Business Concierge, and the news again, acted out by a different reporter but the same news! Ohmy, i thought, i felt like crusifying someone to let this petulant out. To make things way more dramatic and undesireble, someone toggled with the photoshop, and it seems to be malfunctioning. Photoshop was what i was looking forward to this slow day. Seemingly that the day had me tricked.

2008-07-17T21:46:00.002+08:00

Hatching a mini plan for the 19th of August. Wondering what is it that would be nice and appeasing. Excited and, ahh, i know what to do first, restrain myself from spending on snacks- filthy unhealthy pleasures. My budget's tight, can't afford to spend no more, have to start saving, i have to, i have to, i have to.

KINKY Pao still left his promises hanging, he already promised me and my wacko buddy Shazzy wazzy, tons of dresses, jeans, tees, shoes and bags. haha, his stupid promises, im gonnna kick his brain tomorrow. And YEAH, not to mention, SUFI, UNAPPRECIATIVE HORNY MAN!

2008-07-14T18:23:00.004+08:00

WHICH ONE DO YOU PEOPLE THINK IS NICER? ohhh, it's 'ol hard work why 'ya know?
(anyway, surprise! to SNC)

2008-07-14T17:26:00.002+08:00

Yes yes yes, i changed the blogskin again. now planning shaz's blogskin[: promised her on that.

Annie dowd, incapable of any misdemeanor, yet caught in the shambles of a distraught. To keep her quiet, all he thought of was to push her down, yes murder. During an alfresco party, there she was, a victim of rohypnol, fuzzy and dizzy, nudged towards the pool, unconsious of her behaviour, she fell asleep, and as her soul roams, she helps out on the investigation that people have been wondering- "who killed her?".

2008-07-10T21:36:00.002+08:00

For Mygrain, the second attempt that turned out ten thousand times better[:

2008-07-10T19:12:00.004+08:00

I have become an awfully nasty person. I don't know why, after the recent breakdowns, i can't seem to keep my cool anymore. I would snap back at my mum, my little brother is constantly my victim, i scold him even for the slightest things that needn't need shouting. He snaps back because i'm right and choose not to aknowledge it, and i'd slap him in the arm, he'd retort and slap me back, we'd start shoving, pushing and punching. He'd hit me one last time and then head on to the bedroom to cry.

I do get agitated most of the time. I do get paranoid most of the time. I do get angry most of the time. Why?

I am currently making a song, yes a song, called "Annie Dowd" thpught it's not fully donr yet[:

There was once a girl, Annie Dowd
Pushed into the pool, and she drowned.

2008-07-08T21:33:00.002+08:00

Lets go, lets run away, I can't do this anymore. Well now i just realised that I have to face this on my own. Counting down the days to go, I saw myself in a tiny room. I felt trapped and suffocated, I wanna leave but I don't know. I felt scared and asphyxiated, let me go please let me go.

CAN YOU JUST LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE. I NEED MY TIME. STOP READING UP MY TEXT MESSAGES. STOP IT PLEASE, STOP THE REPRIMANDS AND THE DEMANDS. I'M NOT QUITE SURE IF YOU ARE CONCERNED OR JUST TRYING TO VENT IT ON ME. WHATEVER I DO, YOU NEVER AKNOWLEDGE THE GOOD PART BUT JUST TO POINT OUT THE BAD PORTION, SO MUCH THAT I HAVE GIVEN UP TO DO WHAT YOU SAY ANYMORE. YOU SAY THOSE WORDS AS IF I DON'T LOVE YOU ANYMORE, MAYBE I DON'T. YOU SAY YOU'RE CONCERNED WITH THOSE ANGRY TONE, ARE YOU?

2008-07-06T23:44:00.004+08:00

Yes it has been a painfully long time since I last blogged. Currently my mind has been in a state of utter turmoil, my heart refuses to rest and it gets into what you call paranoia. Trying to occupy myself by getting myself busy with the devil, it's called the television. I have been catching up with TV sitcoms with the plain reason that i can't cope with the pressure. That sounded self-centered. Seemingly to be upset over the slightest things, and regaining my chirpy mood a minute later. I'm having ugly mood swings, and no, its not due to menses. I'm becoming eccentric i guess, a crazy fella. I'm becoming a muddlehead, i can't quite recall much anymore, i forget all the important things all at the wrong times. Just wish someday, people would just leave me alone and let me rest, an overnight spent with the stars or something.

♥There were sometimes, where i'd wish my younger brother was never born at all, there were sometimes that i cursed him to be dead. There were sometimes that i misunderstood my friends, there were sometimes that i felt ignored. There were sometimes that i felt my mum didn't love me, there were sometimes that i thought i didn't love her. There were sometimes that i doubt life itself, there were sometimes that i thought things were going to be alright. There were sometimes that i wish that i'd just knock my head and wake up forgetting anything and everything, there were sometimes that i hoped i'd faint in school just so my memories could be erased.

♥The clouds are all that is keeping me at bay. I yearn for the sparkling stars, the moon that shines, the appaling sight of the coast and the breeze that compliments the ambiance.♥

2008-07-01T02:48:00.002+08:00

I just find it hard to tolerate anymore.

2008-06-29T00:07:00.002+08:00

Currently deeply in love with this song, trying to use it as a motivational material.

"Believe in dreams you love so much, let the passion of your heart, make them real"

Yes i do have my dreams, always did, lately didn't believe in my dreams so much, wanted to give up all my hopes and dreams. I just didn't believe in dreams. And for now i'll take things slowly, and go faster as i adapt better.

The first time my ears tuned to this song, i cried. I cried because i know i can do it but i just didn't believe in myself, i looked around, everone seems to be packing up for the last round, and here i was still taking my strolls. Here i am, oblivious to the importance, no i was aware of it and yet i chose ignore. Not anymore, i forgot all about my dreams, and now i remembered them, i should remind myself on my dreams, i shall not forget my dreams, and i shallbelieve in them once again.

"Believe in dreams you love so much, let the passion of your heart, make them real"

2008-06-27T14:58:00.003+08:00

Ok, so i'm set out to get the fifty dollars bag i've been wanting. Lately i've been spending on unessecary items, spending dollars and dollars on food that i'll eat only so little of. Imma get it next week. Can't wait.

I wasn't in school today, i wanted to go but i didn't feel quite well that even the alarm clock didn't wake me up. I promise to be in school by monday, i can't afford to miss any more days.
Currently, i'm halfway on my english essay with the title "windows", a made up story. Writing on a past experience, that gave me a scar on my left leg, it was caused by a wild cat that pounced on me from outside the window of my room to assail me. There was a mini world war three in my little bedroom. Yeah so thats how the story goes, which caused me to be afraid of cats and open windows.

I miss Adee and Aki, my wonderful cousins[: i love you guys. Cousins, make yourself free next saturday, alright.

2008-06-26T21:20:00.002+08:00

Been constantly ranting on about my sickness. Complaining all day long, just hoping it'll disappear anytime soon. Honestly, i can't help it, like those type that likes to complain when everything isn't going out too well. That's very cliche of me. Clear on the part that ranting on won't have any effect on anything, so i'll try to reduce my mouth functions. Feeling like a sick puppy, eating porridge now, which taste a bit sour, my tastebuds are playing tricks on me, but the porridge's still awesome(i think). I'm not thinkging, i'm just eating. I actually gobbled down a whole packet of chicken rice in the afternoon. My eyes are slightly puffy. heh, now my mouth's not complaining but my fingers are typing it all out. Oh, there's so many means of communication.

Alright, off to continue my dinner, which seems to be alot, but i'll try to finish it off. 9pm, dinner? i'm not sure, think i'll head to bed again after this.

2008-06-26T15:42:00.002+08:00

I'm currently grounded, yes, mum barred me from going out this weekend. I'm pissed, because i'm sick and she thinks this is all just another phase of folly. HEY HELLO, i'm sick. S-I-C-K. It's really bugging me because it's not as if i want to be sick, o's are in 10 weeks for god sakes, why the hell would i want to skip school? I can't go to school because i don't feel good, i'm scared that i'll faint on the journey to school or something, and i know i need the rest. I feel terrible just sitting at home because i want to rest but i cant sleep, i didn't even get a shutter yesterday night. I want to study, i have all the time at home but my head hurts even if i read. I would love to do art, but my eyes can't seem to concentrate on the tiny details for observation.

How bad it all is:
-runny nose
-terrible headache
-throat hurts
-tummy ache
-mouth feels dry 24/7
-straining eyes
-strain neck
-the pressure the pressure the pressure

2008-06-25T20:13:00.001+08:00

Lovely. I love you sweetheart.

2008-06-22T00:17:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow will be endless, i was practically forced to go to the Silat competition. I gave up all my hopes on silat nine months ago, and i'm not even thinking of going back. My martial arts days are over. Well, i have to go, just to support my friends, oh, i don't know what to call them anymore. Haven't been talking to them or contacting them either. I miss them so much, and yet i'm not ready to face them. I miss Feroz, though i met him yesterday, hoping to drag him out of bed and go somewhere, away from silat, during the mid-day, so i could spend some quality time with him. Thinking if i should, because he barely slept a wink last night and had to work the next morning, and got to know he didn't sleep till around 9pm. He's prolly tired and thinking of sleeping the whole day. I feel like being sellfish tomorrow and have him all to myself despite his exhaustion. Oh boy. Alright, i'll just ask him, see if he's willingly to accompany me to somewhere since he's living near to Bedok. I miss his hugs and cuddles. ♥I love you sweetheart. I miss Ira, Naja and Ain, i haven't been seeing ain, or contacting or talking, somehow it doesn't seem weird becuase for a fact, that i just realised, for the past holidays, we sorta don't contact, like we only talk in school. I miss Belle, that sweetheart, hoping to meet up and catch up with lost time. I love you my girlfriends♥

2008-06-20T23:32:00.002+08:00

18/06 was memorable i guess, had my hair turned from blonde to a girl with 5 colours in her hair. I had red, pink, blue, purple and brown. haha. Oh well, Dila was sweet, bought for me a meal, thank you Dila. Haha, and that was the day David fell in love with my hair, well not fell in love i guess, but somehow was intrigued by the blonde, which then intrigued him more with the rainbow colour. I think i could've been paddlePop's mascott, you know?

What happened today was went to Toni&Guy at Heeren and got my hair back to black. Oh well i loved the ice cream colour, but school's coming. That was it. Me and naja ate Chippy's after my hair colouring and visited Feroz at Starbucks, wheee, i got 2 hugs from him ^o^ I'm going to gobble him up the next time i see him. Naja was being super funny today, haha, had a hell of a laugh having her as company. Awaiting for confirmation if David's cutting my hair on wednesday. I'd love that. Free haircuts baby.

2008-06-20T13:00:00.004+08:00

I was tagged by Syafiqa, since i'm dilly dallying at home, might as well get it done. Here it goes:

(o1) What do you want most now?
- Mum

(o2) Where will you go if someone sponsors you a tour ticket?
- A beach where the stars and moon shines bright

(o3) What's your favourite thing(s) to do?
- Chilling out with friends, Guitar.

(o4) Whats the thing in you that you wanted to change so much?
- Procrastination, that's the worst habit.

(o5) If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
- Be a famous singer in a band like Meg and Dia, or just a solo artist like Theoretical girl.

(o6) Do you believe you can survive without money?
- Right, nobody can.

(o7) (my question) Who's the most important in your life?
- God, Allah.

(o8) What's love?
- LOVE♥

(o9) What do you dream of doing in the future?
- Juggling my hairstyling, photography and music career. haha.(dream on amee)

(1o) List out 3 good points about the person who tagged you.
- She's a sweet little lady(really, very little.ahaa), she's always so friendly and she's the same as everyone else i know(including me), We crap and we lame.

(11) What makes you happy?
- Family, friends, money, music and guitar.

(12) What type of person do you hate the most?
- I stopped hating people.

(13) Where do you see yourself 10 years down the road?
- Married to a husband with stable job, 4 kids, owns a shop either at arab st or haji lane, smoking sisha or drinking teh tarik.

(14) At what age do you intend to get married?
-24

(15) What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
- Everything.

(16) If god were to grant you three wishes, what would it be?
- 1. Purify myself
2. Stop the habits of procrastinating
3. Tell my parents how much i Love and appreciate them.

(17) If you had a chance to change your life, what would you want to change?
- wishing my parents are more open to say the three words i've been yearning to say to them.

(18) The love of your life now?
- FRZ

(19) Are you courageous enough to tell a person that you like him/her?
- I did that once last time, and i find myself childish. Time will tell, you don't need to tell.

(2o) Would you rather follow your heart or mind when deciding for the right one?
- both.

Instruction: Remove 1 question from above & add in your personal question. Make it a total of 2o questions. Then tag 1o people in your list & list them out at the end of this post. Notify them in their chat box that he/she has been tagged.
(I DONT KNOW WHO TO TAG)

2008-06-17T01:03:00.002+08:00

My hair colour is wacky, weird, and freaky. Its strawberry blonde, mind you. Haha, i look like a midnight ghost, for awhile there, i looked like model, but once i stepped out of Toni&Guy's premises, i felt like an alien, practically. Everyone was staring at me, i suppose, or maybe i was just paranoid. I don't mind, it's surely going to be gone by thursday, back to black[:
I'm freakishly excitde for 18 June to come, Toni&Guy here i come.

2008-06-13T23:55:00.004+08:00

It spurs my mind how unrefined we all turned out. How minor details is the one that labels us all throughout. We change but the mindset still remains. Exhaling a super shout, scream it off. That's what i feel like doing, relieving the insanes. Indecisive we all are, sometimes fickle about the things we do, "should I? or should I not?". So unsure, but still sticking to the plan. How fetid life can be, so pristine one day and the next, the black land. God knows why I have the sudden urge to blabber all this abouts. Remembering those days, where girls rule and boys drool. Those past post, memoirs.
When loving guys was such a ghost, when lies were a hush hush thing, when my words were so pure, when God was the name i sing, when my heart was so demure.

Today was exceptionally great. Before meeting Belle,I was with a friend, well in fact, with my Boss because today i was her Personal Assistant(PA), she took advantage of me because i brought along bag-_- Furthermore, I purchased this skirt that Belle claimed that Zizie bought it, so Belle and I got the skirt, a cheap deal. Oh well. Belle was my make up artist today, she drew the eyeliner on my eyes, wore for me mascara and lipgloss[:

2008-06-12T20:47:00.002+08:00

I've been neglecting my blog for a few days. So much has happened, i guess. Oh well, so here it goes.

I went out today, spent some quality time with a special friend. It was, well- fun. I don't exactly know how to go into details, but today was superb.

Had my hair fall over
The curse was gone
I prayed and i hoped
It went away, the sense of forlorn
I dreamed again
It wasn't a dream
The beat, it was faint.

For what it's worth, i'll give you my all

2008-06-10T13:35:00.002+08:00

Ok i forgot to mention the design on the top left hand corner, was done by me, i used my cousin's tablet PC, it was awesome. I wish i had one, really. I did another design for my cousin, it's almost similar to mine except for the colour part. Her design was red black white and grey. I love tablet PC and adobe Photoshop CS3.

2008-06-10T10:33:00.004+08:00

Had a pleasant day with my dear Peanut. Sudden reoccurance in my head, at Mosi cafe, where the manager took our picture, it tickles me. Well, i'm really happy to be with you. I love you Peanut, I really do

♥I wish there were lots of stars in the sky, where we were

Anyway, i was asleep when i recieved a text from Tony and Guy, telling me to call them. I got too excited, i didn't wait for my shower, i brushed my teeth and immediately called them back. How excited i was when they said to come down today at 6pm. The problem is, my special friend's cutting her's tommorow, and mine's today. I'll try and call back to get my haircut tommorow around 2pm with her^o^

2008-06-07T12:42:00.005+08:00

Yesterday's photo:

Amee, Belle, Ira, Mira(mirror)

Amee feat. Mr Polaroid and The Beatles

Belle, Amee(bulldozer/Dragon!- haha)

Ira

2008-06-07T00:47:00.003+08:00

I am really ashamed of myself.

Ira, i'm really sorry for disappointing you, i really don't know what to say now. Because i'm just so ashamed of myself, i couldn't even go home with you. I just, i don't know. I was so greedy and sellfish just now, greedy especially. It was fun while it lasted but then i started to feel bad, because i know you were disappointed. I know it's a sin. I know, I was wild for a second there, even lied to my parents. I don't know what i was thinking. The satans whispered in my ear and i willingly allowed them to take over my brain. I just don't know what to say anymore.

2008-06-05T17:48:00.005+08:00

I'm growing into a chubb.

I'm the yellow-skinned girl.

Can't stop myself but to notice the tiny details.

Today was fabulous, i went school to trace out my drawing unto the wood. All thats left for me to do is start painting tommorow. Didn't waste my time in school today. Reached home, changed out of the school's uniform, turn on the music, and worked out. YEAH, work out. Managed a pathetic twenty men's push-ups and twenty women's push-ups, couldn't afford to do more, and was killing myself by forcufully doing more that a hundred sit-ups. Exhausted by the energy, too lazy to hit the showers first, and since the guitar was two seconds away, spent an hour strumming and singing. Just came out of the showers and my tummy's churning and growling, i think there's a beast in there. I'm off for some dinner number one, then study and then to dinner number two ^o^

2008-06-04T16:53:00.005+08:00

Just decided to change my blogskin.

Went to school today. School was such a bore, thought it was a waste of time but least was that i got to learn chemistry. This is random but, I'm hungry, a clear sign that my menses are coming- never ending pangs of hunger, constantly thinking of what to eat, but my butt remains at a position of sitting down. Brain sending messages to the body that eating is tedious, but my tummy's fighing back. World War 3 :o
Wasted half the day on my blogskin, i shall start on my studies now. Wait, i shall eat first, followed by intensive study, alright.
♥Here i go.

2008-05-29T23:10:00.005+08:00

Today was fantabulous, i released all my sixteen years of distraught. Now i feel new, i feel like a wholesome girl. I cried, i snorted, my whole body shaked, i let it all out, it was ugly but worthwhile. It was such a wonderful ending. Unfortunately now, my eyes are playing tricks on me, i'm too tired even too even write, i can go on and on about AKLTG programme but my eyes are already halfway down, and my lips' burning from the excessive airconditioning on the programme and my throat is starting to coarse from the screaming and also because my body is almost out of fuel.

I am going to get up early in the morning tomorrow, and tell myself how fortunate I am, how wonderful life is, and lastly, how our beliefs can make us stronger.

I cried because everybody believed in me, and because i didn't believe in myself. How selfish was I? Not anymore[:

I love you ma, and pa, I love you so much, I don't need to say it, saying it wouldn't mean anything, I want to prove it to you guys ma, pa. I will show you how much i love you.
I love my friends. Most of all, i love myself. I have learnt to love and respect myself before all comes together, that was the first step.

Be like a wine:
"Car depreciates overtime. Wine appreciated overtime"
-Leroy Frank R*

To know life's philosophy:
"to play after every storm"
-Mattie Stepaneck

2008-05-28T21:48:00.008+08:00

Attended school's Adam Khoo Learning Programme, it was fabulous. Energy-driven, eye-opener, heart-cracking, and even at some point, heart-breaking with their tales. I feel really fortunate to get this treatment. Thank you Regent Secondary School for allowing us to partake in the programme, for giving us the chance. I appreciate it so much.

Lastly, i would just love to tell the world that:

♥I LOVE YOU FEROZ

2008-05-27T22:24:00.008+08:00

"Hate, is what fuels our war. Bloody lips, don't listen to love. I can sing songs, i can sing about how i feel. I know that this is wrong.

Step over, step over that clever line, Gotta figure out which side is right. Choose destiny to live by, if you want to live or die or fight. And only one side wins. What I think of this I don't know. It's not that i'm afraid of dying, it's just i'm so afraid to live.

Some say suffering's not much, but i say stop."

-From Meg and Dia's My baby's better than your's

Tedd said i'm paranoid, am i? I can't stop thinking about it, about all these.

We're just humans right, we do what we do best. Lies, fakes, parodies, cheats, acts. We're all not human yet, a monster, beast, animal, ghoul. We all made mistakes, and it's still my mistake I hold. I am just a parody. Until i stop, I can never be complete.

I feel like telling the world love, i really do, but i'm scared to.

2008-05-26T20:14:00.004+08:00

I pondered and mulled over Adee's words in her blog. I just realised, as i watch my friends in crisis, i never took the initiative to help them, instead i watch helplessly as they cry. And they fall, and i'm just there standing, not knowing what to do. I was never there for them when they need me. I'm a useless friend. I still don't know right from wrong. I love them all the same, but i was never there when they needed me, when they were there when I needed them. What was I thinking?

2008-05-26T17:46:00.005+08:00

I pray that the natural disasters will make every person stronger, I pray that they will be fine, knowing that god is giving another chance to live.

I know this isn't the best time to be, only god knows how much and why i'm this way. I pray to god for guidance, I pray so that the aftermath will be over soon, I pray, for anything and everything, trying to make myself believe that everything will be fine, but my beliefs are far from my hopes. And my hopes seems impossible from where I am. The only person I can blame is myself for being this way, for the outcome.

I can't seem to stop thinking. I want to change, I really do, just tell me how.

I don't know really. At times I regretted ever having to know Feroz and Tedd and the rest, I don't know why. My hearts sinks at the thought of that. My eyes blurred and stomach churns. At the same time i'm really happy that I knew them, but I don't really know what would've happened if i never met them. I miss my friends, the ones I had for nearly four years, and I feel so dumb. I feel so wrong. I feel so...

Why oh why Amee did you ever doubt them. Stop your childish games Amee, you're old enough to know whats not to be toyed with anymore.

♥stalker boy you know i love you

2008-05-25T16:11:00.010+08:00

I'm so happy, i can eat again. I can sleep again.

...and you cured me.

Yesterday was 24 May 2008^.^ and today is 25 May 2008:

♥HAPPY SIXTEENTH BIRTHDAY NJ :D

2008-05-24T20:19:00.004+08:00

Went to Marina rooftop with the company of Stalker^o^

Promised mum to be home sometime around 8pm, so here i am.

You thought the oppose, so did I in some way
Somehow, it all came to an end
Soil our hearts and as our fingers sway
What took you so long my good good friend.

I may be happy, but i still can't eat. My tummy's acting all wrong at the wrong time. I get severe headaches after consumption of anything. Oh my, i promised you i'd eat so yeah- I AM FORCED TO EAT -.o
I have no idea what to eat. My tummy's burning, i don't know if its hungry or it doesn't want to eat. Sigh, i don't know whats wrong with me, i can't sleep, i can't eat. I can't take care of myself. Oh God, may everything be fine for me.